His money is ours; my money is mine

“His money is ours; my money is mine” creates shared access to the man’s income and private control over the woman’s income. Household bills, debt, and unexpected costs fall on him. Her earnings remain a reserve that she alone controls.

The double standard

The arrangement may be called tradition after traditional reciprocal duties have disappeared. It may be called equality even though one person can use two incomes and the other only his own. Any discussion of shares is answered with an accusation of greed.

Money carries decision-making power and the means to leave. When the man must disclose his accounts while she hides hers, she gains a unilateral advantage. UK statutory guidance on controlling behaviour includes restricting access to money and controlling family income under economic abuse.

What to do

Keep personal accounts and create a separate joint account for agreed expenses. Set each person’s contribution in advance. A major purchase, new debt, or transfer from savings requires two approvals.

Do not fund a system in which your income is shared and hers is untouchable. A joint budget begins with equal rules for access and disclosure.